I’ve gone back and forth on posting this, but I’m just going to say it plain.
I haven’t felt like myself lately.
The last lupus flare knocked me down harder than I expected, and between that and the fibromyalgia, my body’s been doing its own thing while I’ve just been trying to keep up. Some days I manage it better than others. Some days I don’t.
And somewhere in all of that, I stopped recognizing the woman looking back at me.
Not in a dramatic way. Just in that quiet, unsettling way where everything feels a little off. A little heavier. A little duller. Like I’m here, I’m functioning, I’m doing what needs to be done…but I’m not fully in it.
And life hasn’t exactly slowed down to give me space to catch my breath.
We’ve been moving, which is its own kind of chaos. Boxes, lists, things half-packed and half-forgotten. Trying to keep track of what goes where, what still needs to be done, what I’ve already done but can’t quite remember doing.
Add in work, writing, everyday life… and there are moments where I feel like I’m juggling so many things that I can barely keep them all in my head at once.
It’s a lot.
And I think somewhere in the middle of all of that, I got lost in the shuffle.
Not gone. Not broken. Just… buried under everything else that needed me.
So I’m pressing reset.
Not in a “new year, new me” kind of way because honestly, I don’t need a new me. I just want to feel like me again. The version of me that feels present. Put together. Comfortable in her own skin.
I don’t have some big, perfect plan. I’m not doing anything extreme. I’m just starting where I am and figuring it out as I go.
Small things. Intentional things. The kind of things that remind you you’re still in there.
And I think I’m going to bring y’all along with me.
Not the polished version. Not the highlight reel. The real version. The messy middle. The weeks where I feel like I’m making progress and the weeks where everything feels harder than it should.
Because this isn’t really about a glow-up.
It’s about finding my way back to myself after my body — and life — tried to write a different story.
So if you see me showing up a little more, trying a little harder, sharing a little more honestly… that’s why.
I’m not becoming someone new.
I’m just coming back.
Before I change anything big, I’m starting small.
Because I’ve learned the hard way that when everything feels out of control, the answer isn’t to overhaul your life overnight. It’s to anchor yourself in something simple. Something steady. Something that’s yours.
So my first step in this whole “coming back to myself” journey isn’t dramatic. It’s not flashy.
It’s a journal.
Small, maybe. But not insignificant.
There’s something about putting pen to paper that feels like reclaiming space in your own mind. Like slowing everything down just enough to hear yourself think again. And right now, that feels like exactly where I need to begin.
I’m going to share the one I chose and why because if you’re feeling even a fraction of what I’ve been feeling lately, this might be a place to start for you too.
The one I chose ended up being exactly what I needed right now and honestly, I didn’t expect something this simple to matter as much as it does.
But with everything going on lately—my health, the move, trying to keep track of a hundred different things at once—my brain has felt like it’s constantly running in ten directions at the same time. Half the time, I can barely remember what I’ve already done, much less what I still need to do.
And this has helped with that more than I expected.
It’s an A5 hardcover spiral journal, which makes it easy to keep nearby without it feeling bulky or getting lost in the chaos. The pages are thick (no ink bleeding, which already puts it ahead of most), and it lays completely flat, so I’m not fighting it just to get a few thoughts down.
There are a few small details that make a bigger difference than you’d think, like the space to date or title each page, a simple table of contents, and even a back pocket for random papers I’d otherwise misplace.
Nothing over the top. Nothing complicated.
It just works.
And right now, when everything else feels like a lot, having one small thing that feels easy and steady? That matters.
If you’re looking for something simple and actually usable, this is the one I’ve been using and would recommend: https://amzn.to/3QjN1vM
Sometimes the first step isn’t a big change. It’s just giving yourself somewhere to start.
I don’t know exactly what this is going to look like yet, and I’m not putting pressure on it to be perfect. I’m just showing up, doing what I can, and seeing where it leads.
If you’re in a similar place—feeling a little off, a little overwhelmed, or just not quite like yourself—I hope this reminds you that you don’t have to fix everything all at once. Sometimes you just start with one small thing and let it be enough for now.
I’ll be back next week with a Week One update, and we’ll see how this is going together.
Until then, take care of yourself in whatever small way you can.
—Beth 💛